How to make the most out of therapy

The first time having a therapy session can be a little nerve wracking.

You’re about to meet a stranger and they are going to be asking you all sorts of questions about your life. They may ask you to reveal some secrets, talk about past traumas, or help you connect the dots on some events that you may feel are unrelated. The intake appointment is for the therapist to get to know you, figure out why you have come to therapy, and figure out a way to best help you achieve some of your goals. 

 

So here are a few things you should keep in mind for the session.


This is your time. Make the most of it. 

 

Whether you are going in person or virtually, be on time and get rid of all distractions. Depending on the clinic, session times for the intake can be longer in time. Some may be 90 minutes, some may be 50. You will typically be notified during the scheduling of appointments what the initial time frame is. Just make yourself available for the entire session.

 

Be open to the process.

 

Understand that you must do the work. Whether you come to therapy on your own, or you’re dragged in by your spouse, parent, or the court system, nothing will get you through the process quicker than being motivated to do the work. What does that mean? That means showing up as your true authentic self, being real about what’s happening outside of the therapy room, doing the homework, reading the articles, and being your own advocate for becoming your best self.

 

Take your time to determine the fit.

 

Have you ever met someone and maybe didn’t hit it off the first time you met, but after a few encounters realized that the person has a great personality and is awesome to be around. Well, sometimes that can help with therapists too. You may not have this magical moment of euphoria in your first session that this is the therapist for you. That magic feeling may never happen. You have to decide for yourself in the first few sessions if this person will be a good fit to help walk you through your struggles. Only you know what you need and if you feel comfortable with that person and are able to open up in ways you may not be able to do with others, then they may be just the person you need.

 

Be realistic about your progress.

 

Contrary to what some insurance companies may say (sips tea), there is no set time to when a client is able to heal. That being said, there should also be some sort of forward movement, even if it’s just a little bit. If you are not moving at the pace you feel you should be, bring this up to your therapist and have a dialogue about how you envision your future self. Also ask yourself if you are contributing to the forward movement by again, doing the work outside of the session. 

 

Don’t expect the therapist to take sides.

 

They always say that there are 3 sides to a story and most therapists only ask for clarification to find the area where there is disconnect. While there are certain things that happen or are said that common sense will tell us are just wrong, but the therapist isn’t there to blame, they are there to help figure out what led to the response or behavior. Will there be moments where you feel “attacked?” It’s possible, but having that conversation will be beneficial too. Whatever feelings come up should be said so that it can be worked through.

 

Don’t expect the therapist to “fix” your kid.

 

Most situations that bring a child to therapy is either caused by or enhanced/made worse by the home environment. This is not a statement blaming parents. While abuse does happen, in the situations where harm is unintentional, parents are just doing the best they can with what they have. That is why it is a collective effort when children are brought to a family therapist. They look at the whole child, including the environment and work with the parents or guardians to make sure the child is supported.

 

Think about your end goal. 

 

What do you want out of therapy? How would you like your life to be different? Having an idea of these things will help you and your therapist develop a plan and create goals to work towards. Saying, “I want to feel better” isn’t enough. How do you want to feel? How will feeling this way impact you day to day? How will it affect your relationships?

 

These are just a few tips to get you started when considering the therapy process. Good luck to you on your mental health journey.

 

Wishing you love, peace, and healing,

Rhonda Renee

 

Conversations to have before committing

Conversations to have before commiting

Wedding season is well underway, with no chance of stopping any time soon, and I have been bombarded with wedding gowns, flower men, and beautiful reception spaces up and down my timeline. While I hate to be a realist in all the wedded bliss, I often wonder if couples have spent as much time preparing for married life as they did for the wedding day. 

I’ve been in a committed relationship for 27 years, married for almost 17 of them and I just recently realized that we never had a honeymoon phase. When we got married I was pregnant and was suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum, so it was not a fun and sexy time by any means, especially since I had a zofran pump attached to me 24 hours a day (I’ll have to share my baby story one of these days.) Then, obviously when the baby came, I was in full mommy mode. Next thing you know we were married with 2 kids by the age of 25. 

While we thought we were prepared for everything that love, marriage, and kids had to throw at us, it became painfully clear that we were not. There were certain assumptions that we had about ourselves and each other that got us in way too many conflicts. Had we just had the knowledge to ask the important questions, we could have saved ourselves a few arguments, and maybe even a few couple therapy sessions.

So here are a few important conversations a couple should have before committing/getting married. And yes, I realize that some of these questions may have been discussed during the dating phase, but things change and what someone had planned last year may not always be the plan now. They are also in no particular order and are all equally important.

Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It's a choice.

Career plans– So what are your future career plans? Do you plan on staying employed where you are? Do you have hopes to move up the corporate ladder, or do you plan to transition to something else? Or, are you an entrepreneur? How do you plan to maintain your business? If you haven’t started it yet, how do you plan to start your own business? What kind of support will you need from your partner? Will your career plans require you to take a few classes or go back to school? What’s the plan for that? What’s plan B? 

Finances– Are you a spender or a saver? What’s your credit score? What do you owe in student loans or credit loans? Have you ever filed for bankruptcy? What are your thoughts on loaning money to family or friends? How will we handle bills? How many bank accounts do you have, and how many should we have as a couple? What is your retirement plan? How will we create a budget to take care of the things we have to do, and also have the funds to do the things we want to do? How much should we put away in our emergency fund? 

Health– What is your health history? Do you have any health concerns? Do you need assistance in finding the right medical professionals to help? What type of insurance do you have? Do we need to enroll in both our health plans or will one suffice? Who has the best coverage? Does it include vision, dental, and mental health benefits? Is there a deductible we have to reach? What medication coverage do you have? What type of policies do we have if one of us gets sick or dies? What do you want regarding end of life care? Do you have a living will or advance directive? Who else knows what you would want for end of life care? 

Children/pets– Do you want kids? How many? If you already have them, do you want any more? If so, when? If not, how will we be making sure that we are proactive in our prevention styles? Where do we want to raise our kids? What is our discipline style going to be? Do we have a village (family/friends) in place to help? How does having children fit into our career and/or financial plans? What does the relationship with our own parents look like? Do you want pets? If so, what kind and how many? How do you feel about training?

Dating/romance– How important is keeping the romance alive? What does quality time look like? How often will we have date night? What constitutes a date? What is the expectation of intimacy (quality versus quantity)? What are your accelerators? What are your turn offs? What’s your love language? How will you let your partner know that your love tank is empty? What are your desires, and how can your partner be involved? 

Past relationship history– What makes you loveable? What makes you hard to deal with? Have you ever cheated or been cheated on and what did that teach you? How did you learn to trust again? What is acceptable behavior in your relationship regarding friends of the same/opposite sex? If you are co-parenting with an ex, what is that relationship like and how can your partner assist you in maintaining cohesion? 

Social Life/ Family relationships– How involved will your family be in our relationship? Can we have an understanding that what happens between us stays between us? What do you want our social lives to look like as individuals, and as a couple? How do you feel about trips without your partner? Are there annual vacations or family reunions that we need to plan for? How will we handle family disputes?

Again, this list is not extensive and does not include everything that you could discuss, but hopefully they will open the door to the conversations you should have and lead to a place of understanding. Please remember that with all of the things that we may not understand, or agree on, one of the most important questions could be “how can we find a compromise?”

Good luck to you. 

Wishing you love, peace, and healing,

Rhonda Renee

Why you need an internet friend like me

Why you need an internet friend like me

Hey you! Welcome, and thank-you for tapping into the blog today. My name is Rhonda Renee and I am personally inviting you to join me on a mental health journey. Here on the In Pursuit of Metal Wellness blog we will talk about mental health, wellness, relationships, and how to take care of ourselves through stress reduction and coping skills. Because of my love for girly stuff and food, we’ll throw in some hair and make-up talk, and maybe even some recipes.

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So why do you need an internet friend like me? Because I like to share information. I’ve always had this keen ability to teach people things, but not in the formal, classroom type of way. I like to teach more organically, life lessons so to speak. I have also literally tried every career and taken every class that has interested me. I’ve done both the research and the leg work, and finally landed on a career in changing lives through mental health. 

“Everything I learned taught me something valuable, not only about the world, but about myself. I was able to build up a resilience where if something didn’t work out, I took it more as a redirection and not a failure.”

 

Being a writer gives me a way with words, having a journalism degree and experience as an esthetician and make-up artist gives me the ability to talk to just about anyone, but my new career as a marriage and family therapist intensifies my skills as an observant listener. Ever since I sat across from a therapist who helped me to open my view and perspective on things going on in my life, I made it my mission to de-stigmatize therapy and mental health, especially in the Black community. We can’t heal from what we don’t acknowledge. I am currently a Limited Licensed MFT in Michigan, working towards full licensure. While the information I share can not substitute the relationship with a mental health professional IRL, I hope that I can encourage you to take the step to make your mental health a priority.  

It’s official, we’re internet friends now. I appreciate you for stopping by.

Wishing you love, peace, and healing,

Rhonda Renee